Living a Lie
by Fayolinn
Summary: Hikaru's convinced Haruhi's in love with Tamaki - but what he doesn't consider is the possibility this is simply one major misunderstanding.


**So I wrote this back in March of 2010, but I figured if I was going to start using this account, might as well upload everything.**

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The heavy double doors burst open, flying at a speed that seemed highly unfathomable for their size. They brutally hit the wall as a figure flung itself into the room, the handles leaving significant indents where they had struck. A glass vase nearby wobbled dangerously and several paintings slipped and became askew. A cat that had been resting peacefully on a coffee table hissed, startled, and bolted from the room. The cause of this miniature disaster ignored all these unbalances, blindingly making its way to the enormous king-sized bed, neatly layered with expensive silk sheets. Leaping nimbly onto its mass, the young man burrowed himself under the covers, finally suppressing his rage to hardly-contained spasms of shakes and sobs. And so Hitachiin Hikaru escaped the scenario that instantly began to replay unwillingly in his mind…

_"Hikaru-senpai? Are you in here?"_

_Feeling his heart leap in his chest, Hikaru dropped his pencil and nearly choked on the strawberry gum (now tasteless) he had been rolling around in his mouth. Recovering, his golden eyes flickered towards the door. What did Fujioka Haruhi, of all people, want with him that was so important? Visiting his private study – on a Saturday? Not that he was complaining, of course! Just thank the gods Kaoru wasn't around to see the ferocious blush running across his cheeks._

_"Y-yeah," he finally managed to utter, spitting out the gum in the nearest trashcan. "C'mon in, Haruhi."_

_The handle turned and the door slid open to reveal the prettiest girl he had ever set his eyes on. Haruhi caught sight of him and instantly waved, her chocolate eyes twinkling merrily. Clearing his throat to steady his nerves, Hikaru stood up to greet her properly._

_"What's up?" he began awkwardly, rubbing the back of his hair – a new habit he had formed recently. _Wonderful greeting,_ he thought regretfully. _You're really hitting it off with her well, aren't you?

_"Oh, nothing in particular," the brunette girl shrugged, offering a small grin that made Hikaru's knees weak. "You just… well, seemed a little nervous nowadays, so I was wondering if you'd like to talk. Not that I'm particularly good with words or anything, but if you need someone to listen, I'm all ears." She caught Hikaru's eye finally and her expression changed a bit. "Not that I'm trying to be nosy or-"_

_"No, it's fine," Hikaru interrupted, feeling his chest clench and face burn. This was exactly the opportunity he had been dreading and hoping for for months. "C'mere, sit on the couch." He led the way to the huge cushion-covered chair that lined the entire wall of his study. "Wouldn't want to keep you standing if you're here just to, erm, talk..." _Thank God she can't hear my heart beating now.

_"Thanks," she murmured kindly, taking her spot only mere inches away from Hikaru. "The weather's been so gorgeous lately, the Host Club's popularity is booming, and since it's only the beginning of the school year, teachers are pretty easy on their homework load – so what's wrong? Has Tamaki-senpai been on your case about something? You know how he is."_

_"Erm… not really," Hikaru muttered, careful not to meet Haruhi's eye. He desperately wanted to, but he was too afraid she'd see his reddened face. And how could she talk so easily around him? He remembered when things hadn't been so complicated and he could talk to her face-to-face just like anyone else…_

_"Oh." Haruhi _hmm_ed, thinking deeply. "Has Honey-senpai been asking you to play with him and Usa-chan? Kyoya-senpai been bugging you with finishing your homework on time? Ah, that's it! No wonder you're in here, trying to get stuff done alone. Oh, I shouldn't have come in then; I'm so-"_

_"No, that's not it either," the elder Hitachiin mumbled, curling his toes inside his shoes. His hands were getting sweatier by the minute, being so close to Haruhi's. Thinking back to that one date he had shared with her, he remembered how she could pick up on subtle hints easily. _Damn it,_ he cursed. _Maybe it'd be best to tell her now, to get it over with?_ "I…" _But is now the time? She's not showing any signs of nervousness, she's not blushing… is it even worth it? Why must I be so-

_"Yes, Hikaru-senpai?"_

_Hikaru blinked, thrust back into reality. "Y… you don't need to call me senpai."_

_"Oh, heh, my apologies. So what were you trying to say?"_

_"I…" A bead of sweat formed on his temple, threatening to run down his cheek. "Will you… er, Haruhi…"_

_"Yes, Hikaru?"_

The way she says my name… if I keep mumbling, will she say it again?_ Clenching his teeth, Hikaru opened his mouth, but no words came. He tried again, but his mouth would not obey. Feeling his emotions build up and sway, he couldn't take it any longer._

_"I'll – be right back!" Biting his tongue forcefully, Hikaru leapt from the couch and sprang towards the door, cursing himself all the way for failing to admit his true feelings for the girl. What had stopped him? It was more than nervousness, he knew, more than cowardice. Before he knew it, the answer was standing right in front of him as he swerved around the corner. Halting dead in his tracks, Hikaru found himself standing before Tamaki, the club's president, and - who should it be - his twin Kaoru. Blinking back the shock, he tried to stammer out some words; they had obviously heard all that had commenced, but his mind was in a whirlwind of thoughts at the moment – he couldn't focus on just one. He tried to calm his heart rate, but something caught his eye; the desperately hopeless look on Kaoru's face, portraying something similar to disappointment and soft sorrow. That was the final blow to Hikaru's resolve. Shaking his head fiercely, he forced his way between the two and made his way to his room as quickly as possible…_

Hikaru grasped the thin, soothing sheets that blanketed his shivering body, grinding his teeth as heart-felt tears streamed down his face. _Kaoru… _His grip tightened. _What am I to do?_ Hikaru moaned softly, his eyes shutting tightly. "Haruhi…" He shook his head harshly. "Oh, Haruhi, I'm sorry… Haruhi! _Haruhi!_" He screamed her name, not because he wanted her to come, but because he had failed her, because he wanted her to say _his_ name again. "Haruhi…"

"Go to her."

Hikaru choked, snapping his eyes open. His shock caused him to forget his pride as he threw off the covers to see Tamaki Suoh standing at the foot of his bed, arms gently crossed. Hastily blinking away the tears, Hikaru could tell with a closer look that his highness' face was as calm and comforting as a loving mother's would be, yet his eyes were unusually solemn. "W-what?"

"You heard me." His voice was as smooth as his expression. Unfolding his arms, Tamaki made his way over to the bedside. Hikaru's eyes tracked the blonde, studying his every move, his shuddering chest tightening slightly for what was to come. He flinched as Tamaki sat and pulled his limbs closer to his body. A brief silence stretched between the two young men, the only sounds consisting of Hikaru's unsteady breathing and the _plip-plop_ of his tears onto his unblemished skin.

"G-go to her?" Hikaru managed to mutter, his eyes hardening. He realized Tamaki wasn't going to allow him to play dumb; the Host Club's president was serious. "Why. Why should I?" His voice became more steely, his muscles tensing. "Tell me one very good reason _why_ I should go back down there, and don't tell me it's simply due to intuition." He met Tamaki's eyes, gripping the sheets again.

Tamaki gazed back unwaveringly, taking a deep intake of breath. "Hikaru, you know better than-"

"I asked _you_ why!" Hikaru snapped, feeling his emotions reel again. "You know it's not that simple! _You_ of all people should!"

Was he aware that he was raising his voice unnecessarily? Perhaps. Was he over-reacting to a situation that needed a cool state of mind? Possibly. All Hikaru could tell, as he sat clenching his teeth with faltering force, was that he had no clue what to do. He needed Kaoru, he needed Haruhi… but that wasn't an option at the moment.

"Hikaru-"

"Don't touch me!" Hikaru cried, squirming away from Tamaki's outstretched hand. His eyes blazed as he eyed Tamaki, his breathing growing heavier. "I won't go see her – no, I _can't!_" The tears had returned. "Don't you see? If I were to go talk and confess my feelings, I'll end up hurting someone, no matter _what_ I do! If she rejects me, I'll be hurt, and so will she. If, on the off-chance, she accepts, I'll hurt Kaoru! He's always liked her, hasn't he? Or you – _you!_" He nearly spat the word, but Tamaki remained still and patient. "Your precious little daughter! _You're_ her hero, _you're_ the prince… I stand no chance. I… I can't take her away from you… I can't take her from anyone. It… it – it just would've been best for her to have gone elsewhere! _To never have come here!_"

Tamaki's glistening eyes shone with unreadable emotions as he slowly stood. "Hikaru," he murmured softly, "you don't really mean that-"

"I _do!_" Hikaru erupted, becoming defensive and also standing, though in a faster and clumsier manner. "You love her! You have from the beginning! What use is it to follow after a lost cause?!" He took a step backwards, hardly able to see through his blurry tears. "_So FORGET IT!_" Without a second glance, he made his way for the door, stumbling hastily, and practically tripping several times. He had nearly made it when something struck his foot in a swift, sweeping motion. Hikaru swerved off course, losing his footing on the smooth, tiled floor. His heart fluttered as he sailed through the air, his voice lost, for a few fleeting seconds of flight – until everything crashed down, like the walls of reality. His body hit the floor with a sickening _thud_, and he went limp as he slid ungracefully into the wall. His head throbbed, his body ached, and his vision reeled every time he tried to open his golden eyes. Moaning loudly in pain, he caught the recognizable scent of Tamaki, looming over him. Hardly able to comprehend anything due to the confusing pain, he only half-registered the fact that Tamaki had grabbed the front of his clothes, that the blonde's own fresh tears were dripping on his face now.

"Let go…" Hikaru begged, almost incoherently, wailing once more. He weakly scrabbled at Tamaki's hands, to release their imprisoning grasp, but it was all in vain; the grip only tightened.

"Listen – _listen_ to me!" Fighting to keep his voice steady, Tamaki had finally lost his calm and composed demeanor. "_You're_ the one who's got it backwards! _Hikaru!_" But it was of no use; the elder of the Hitachiin twins continued to meekly battle his way free, refusing to listen.

"I – I won't – no… shut up, Tama… ki…" Every ounce of his strength was being drained, and his chest hurt just to breathe. A headache was building in his head, his eyes stung, his limbs weren't responding like they should, and his pride was shattering, his heart crumbling. Tamaki's will was overpowering his. With one last fruitless effort, Hikaru forfeited and went limp.

"Hikaru," Tamaki went on, eyes brimming with wetness. His own hands were shaking, his usually-tidy hair falling into his face. "How long have you been living with this lie? How long have you allowed yourself to be fed false information, to turn a blind eye to this situation?" As he spoke, his grip lessened in strength, slowly lowering Hikaru's trembling body. "Are you just trying to be nice? Are you trying to be tough? Because now, it's been long enough. Please, hear me out…

"Of course I love Haruhi. From the moment I set eyes on her, I knew she was special, she was different; anyone could tell that. Everyone who met her along the way developed some kind of friendship with the girl, and it happened that we, the Host Club, grew especially close. I seemingly adopted her as my daughter, sought to protect her from every harm I deemed dangerous.

"But could I love her like you do now? No, never. She's never seen me in that way, and never will; I've realized that now. At times I wished it so with all my heart, with all my mind and soul, but I can't change things that were never meant to be. I accept this fully and don't dare to question it – we're to remain friends, and as long as that kind of relationship lasts, I'll die a happy man.

"Now, about Kaoru. You _idiot_, still haven't you realized? _Kaoru_ was the one who had sent Haruhi into your study!" Hikaru shifted slightly, his first sign of life after going limp, his breath catching in his throat. "Your own brother had tried to set up the exact situation you had been dreaming about for forever, and you threw it away. He had only appeared disappointed because you had failed to admit your feelings to her! He wasn't jealous; he was saddened – for _you_. Kaoru recognized from the beginning that you were the one meant for her, not himself. That date you had to go on, because Kaoru was sick? He _faked_his cold, he feigned it so you could have the opportunity to be alone with her. You bombed it, but at least it was something. If only you had made something out of it! Kaoru's only scared of losing you, as he is at this moment! You're letting him down! You two have been together since birth, and growing up only helps to fray the special bonds you've secured. Don't severe them. If you don't want to hurt Kaoru, follow your heart: go to Haruhi, love her as no other could, but stay by Kaoru's side. Please… for his sake.

"So don't you see?" Hikaru's gaze flitted meekly up to meet Tamaki's. The president's face was soaked with tears, his face full of heart-felt expression. A wave of suffocating guilt and emotion seemed to flood Hikaru's soul, his golden eyes brimming with shock. "We all know you love Haruhi, so please, do us all a favor… go to her." Tamaki lips lifted into a knowing smile, and this time it didn't waver. "Besides, she's the only one who could tell you apart from your brother."

Hikaru lay silently, feeling as if his world was caving in on him. He stared blankly into the folds of Tamaki's clothing, numb with an overwhelming flow of feeling. Exhaling deeply, he didn't even respond when Kaoru walked in, silent as an owl on the night's gentle breeze. The younger Hitachiin twin knelt by his weakened brother, nodding gently to Tamaki as the blue-eyed prince backed away daintily.

"Hikaru," Kaoru crooned, delicately cradling his brother's head in his lap. He caressed his cheek with the back of his hand, eyes glittering with complete understanding. "I thought you knew…"

Hikaru continued to lay wordlessly in his brother's arms, closing his eyes to breathe in Kaoru's soothing scent. It wasn't often he was in this position; if it were Host Club hours, he'd be the one comforting Kaoru, not vice versa. That's just how it worked, how they had formed their plan over a year ago. But things were quite different from those days, back when they had just began to open up to others. Hikaru frowned as it finally clicked – he had been closing off ties with his own brother, to everyone just because he was confused about his own emotions. Wasn't Kaoru there to _help_?

"Kaoru," he whispered, and he felt Kaoru's thin fingers wipe away the tears upon his face. "I'm sorr-"

"Sssh, no need." Hikaru's eyes wandered to meet his brother's, and a rush of understanding coursed between the brothers. Kaoru smiled, tilting his head to the side as he closed his eyes. "Just tell her for me, okay? She was real worried about you when you rushed out of there – and she heard your yelling. You both need each other's comfort."

Hikaru nodded slowly, eyes trailing towards Tamaki, who offered him a subtle wink before heading towards the door. "Kaoru, put that lump on the bed, would ya? I'll send in Haruhi in a bit, maybe she'll help to patch up all the injuries I caused your brother." Tamaki's face reddened slightly, and he clasped his hands together. "I'll make it up to ya~!" he sang as he pranced out into the hall and down the staircase.

"I swear that bumbling idiot's bipolar," Hikaru muttered darkly, and Kaoru laughed, sliding his hands beneath his brother's back to steady him into a sitting position. "Remind me: why did we join his club again?"

"I don't exactly know why, to this day," was Kaoru's answer, as he ducked underneath Hikaru's arm and hauled him to his feet. "But," he pointed out, with a direct look into his brother's golden gaze, "you've got him to thank for your future relationship with Haruhi."

Hikaru instantly blushed and grit his teeth, huffing to Kaoru's chagrin. "Yeah, like I'm gonna skip up to his highness and sing a ballad of thanks in his honor."

"You know everyone'd love to see that."

"Yeah, you and all the other idiots in this world."

"Mm-hmm. But I'm not gonna pretend to be you again and do it, you know Tamaki can tell us apart." Kaoru grunted as he lifted Hikaru onto the bed alongside him, fixing the covers that had been flung messily around. When finished, he sat cross-legged, wriggling his toes as Hikaru sank into the many pillows supporting his head and shoulders.

"You sure she'll say _yes_?" Hikaru finally whispered, eyes gazing into the distance as the sound of footsteps became audible.

"Hmmph." Kaoru grinned, raising his chin. "Of course. She told me that if you hadn't run out of the room, she would've asked _you_."


End file.
